The Worst Course I’ve Ever Played

In June, even in early June, Baton Rouge is a fucking furnace. I first felt the oppressive heat on the short walk from the overly airconditioned airport to my overly airconditioned Uber. “This can’t be right,” I thought to myself as I quick-stepped through what had to be hell. The Uber driver did nothing to […]

Colorado Clubcorp Courses Ranked

1. The Sonenalp ClubThis course is right across I-70 from Country Club of the Rockies, where for some reason, Jack Nicklaus put a paint by numbers links offering on the floor of the Vail Valley. Nicklaus knows links, and in a vacuum, you can do much worse than CCR, but with traffic, it’s threeish hours […]

On The Search for a Private Club

In fourth grade, I was 4’11” and 155 lbs. I’m not sure if it was the weight, or the start of puberty, but I’ll just come out and say it here: I struggled with body odor. I was aware that deodorant existed, but no one taught me how to use it. The fact that I […]

A Guide to Municipal Golf in Denver

With the city of Denver’s Come Play and Walk Pass, on sale in November for the 2020 golf season, you can play 20 nine, or ten 18 hole rounds at any of Denver’s municipally-owned golf course for $235. This goes without saying, but $23.50 is a smokin’ deal for eighteen holes on a regulation golf […]

Spam Rice

I developed a taste for grilled Spam whilst working at a food truck that parked on 31st street, between Olympic and Ocean, in Santa Monica. I found this job after three weeks of fruitless searching on Craigslist, the advertisement sought someone with food truck experience who could start tomorrow. I fit both bills. Two years […]

Whiskey Bent and Golf Bound

The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me was to award me a pass that allows me free standby flights. This takes the cost out of flying, but it doesn’t take the stress away. Basically, you put your name on a list with a whole bunch of United employees, they sort you by seniority, […]

The Game of Kings in God’s Country

Usually, when I tell people I’m from Elizabeth, they reply, “I bet you know how to roll a fucking joint.” Less often, people will say to me “I bet you know how to swing a fucking golf club.” The second retort will lead to a more animated response from me, despite the fact that my […]